"Unsent"

"Unsent"
(a letter in the style of the song by Alanis Morissette)

Dear ______, I miss your voice.

You were the first girl I ever had feelings for, but I realized it way too late.  We never had a chance to be anything more than friends, because by the time I told you, you had already moved on.  However, we still had a special relationship that lasted for years.  I wish we'd kept in closer contact over time; maybe we would still be in touch today.

Dear ______, how have you been?

I'm not proud of this, but I believe yours was the first heart I broke.  I remember every moment like yesterday.  It stays with me.  I think I may have hurt you again earlier this year, though it wasn't my intention.  My track record with you hasn't always been the best, and we haven't always gotten along.  I have always kept a place in my heart for you, if not always a place in my life.

Dear ______, you've been my world.

We were soul mates back when we thought that term meant everything.  We thought that we could handle anything the world threw at us.  We were so young and didn't know any better.  You made me believe in happily ever after, until it ended.  Still, for a long time I was happy, and I wouldn't trade that time.  I wouldn't trade our friendship now.

Dear ______, what's left to say?

I'm afraid my words to you aren't as kind, but you'll never read this.  I was blinded to fall for you and not see through you for what you were, what everyone else saw.  It's hard to believe I defended you.  I learned from you though.  I learned that just because someone is convenient doesn't make them right.  You were just a user, and still are.  I hope you find the help you need.

Dear ______, you meant so much.

I was crazy about you, maybe more than I had a right to be.  You had always known we couldn't last.  When we ended you told me you were afraid you might cry.  I never told you this, but I wished you would, so I'd know you felt something, anything at all.  I fought for you like I did for no other.  To this day, when I meet someone, I find myself comparing them to you.

Dear ______, the pain's still there.

It's still fresh in my mind.  Maybe it scared you how fast we were moving in such a short time, but not me.  It felt right.  I thought I had found the one at a time when I didn't think I would ever feel that way again.  Now I feel lost, confused, angry.  I've lashed out at you and at others.  I'm glad you're happier now, but I wasn't ready for the toll it took.