No Loose Ends

I've been thinking about you again.

But this time it's not exactly about you, but more about what you represent.

We've been friends for years, though we were together once.  When we discovered we still had feelings for each other, I was excited to find out where they would take us.  I always felt you were one of the biggest unanswered questions in my life.  Could we successfully pick back up where we left off?  I felt that regardless of the outcome, at least I would finally have an answer.

I certainly wanted it to work.  I loved you.  I felt I gave it everything I had.  I was ready to move across the country for you.  I would have done anything I could.

It didn't work out.  I won't gloss over who was at fault.  These things happen.  It didn't work.

But I don't feel content in knowing the answer, like I thought I would.  Instead I feel empty.  A major chapter of my life has been closed.  A loose end tied up.

The what if has been decided.  As you might say, what next?

This time around I let myself get closer to you than I have with anybody in a very long time.  I'm beginning to believe that there isn't another match for me.  If I couldn't make it work with you, is there any hope left?

"Unsent"

"Unsent"
(a letter in the style of the song by Alanis Morissette)

Dear ______, I miss your voice.

You were the first girl I ever had feelings for, but I realized it way too late.  We never had a chance to be anything more than friends, because by the time I told you, you had already moved on.  However, we still had a special relationship that lasted for years.  I wish we'd kept in closer contact over time; maybe we would still be in touch today.

Dear ______, how have you been?

I'm not proud of this, but I believe yours was the first heart I broke.  I remember every moment like yesterday.  It stays with me.  I think I may have hurt you again earlier this year, though it wasn't my intention.  My track record with you hasn't always been the best, and we haven't always gotten along.  I have always kept a place in my heart for you, if not always a place in my life.

Dear ______, you've been my world.

We were soul mates back when we thought that term meant everything.  We thought that we could handle anything the world threw at us.  We were so young and didn't know any better.  You made me believe in happily ever after, until it ended.  Still, for a long time I was happy, and I wouldn't trade that time.  I wouldn't trade our friendship now.

Dear ______, what's left to say?

I'm afraid my words to you aren't as kind, but you'll never read this.  I was blinded to fall for you and not see through you for what you were, what everyone else saw.  It's hard to believe I defended you.  I learned from you though.  I learned that just because someone is convenient doesn't make them right.  You were just a user, and still are.  I hope you find the help you need.

Dear ______, you meant so much.

I was crazy about you, maybe more than I had a right to be.  You had always known we couldn't last.  When we ended you told me you were afraid you might cry.  I never told you this, but I wished you would, so I'd know you felt something, anything at all.  I fought for you like I did for no other.  To this day, when I meet someone, I find myself comparing them to you.

Dear ______, the pain's still there.

It's still fresh in my mind.  Maybe it scared you how fast we were moving in such a short time, but not me.  It felt right.  I thought I had found the one at a time when I didn't think I would ever feel that way again.  Now I feel lost, confused, angry.  I've lashed out at you and at others.  I'm glad you're happier now, but I wasn't ready for the toll it took.

Cube Update 07.20.10: Eventide/Eldrazi Update

Major Cube update as I add the completed Eventide set, and also work in some Rise of the Eldrazi cards congruent to Evan Erwin's latest Cube update.  47 cards added altogether, 12 cards removed.  Add/Remove list directly below; full Cube list after the jump.

ADDED

White: Essence Sliver, Militia's Pride, Mirror Entity, Preeminent Captain, Wall of Omens
Blue: Deprive, Enclave Cryptologist, Erayo, Soratami Ascendant, Glen Elendra Archmage, Mnemonic Wall, Sea Gate Oracle
Black: Choking Sands, Consuming Vapors, Drana, Kalastria Bloodchief, Inquisition of Kozilek, Zombify
Red: Incandescent Soulstoke, Lightning Crafter, Lord of Shatterskull Pass, Simian Spirit Guide, Staggershock, Stigma Lasher
Green: Beastbreaker of Bala Ged, Growth Spasm, Joraga Treespeaker, Ondu Giant, Vengevine
Colorless: All is Dust, Bottle Gnomes, Painter's Servant, Steel Overseer, Trip Noose
Multi: Call the Skybreaker, Cold-Eyed Selkie, Creakwood Liege, Figure of Destiny, Identity Crisis, Sarkhan the Mad, Spitting Image, Stillmoon Cavalier
Land: Bojuka Bog, Cascade Bluffs, Evolving Wilds, Fetid Heath, Khalni Garden, Rugged Prairie, Secluded Glen

REMOVED

Blue: Opportunity
Red: Goblin Chieftain
Multi: Balefire Liege, Canker Abomination, Ghost Council of Orzhova, Orzhov Guildmage, Shambling Remains, Shrewd Hatchling, Temporal Spring, Wistful Selkie
Land: Drowned Catacomb, Llanowar Reborn

My Life On Star Trek, Part 2: Exodus, Year One

(For an explanation, see the introduction on part 1 of this series.)

My Life On Star Trek, Part 1: Tribune

(Recent events have got me reminiscing about the many years I spent role playing in several Star Trek RPG communities in the late 90s and early 00s, including SFOL, TFL, and Project Delta. I thought some of you might be interested in reading a summary of my lead character's experiences during those years. This will be a few parts long, but as a bonus, the last part will be the unwritten final chapter of Project Delta that's been rolling around my head for years. No, not the whole thing as I don't have the drive to write it any more, but at least a summary of what was supposed to happen and how I was planning to end the story.)

Cube Update 06.03.10: Shadowmoor Added

I've finished the Shadowmoor set, and that adds 13 new cards to the cube.  Changes below.  Full cube list after the jump.

WHITE (1)
Added: Spectral Procession
Removed: Ghostway

BLACK (1)
Added: Puppeteer Clique
Removed: Faerie Macabre

MULTICOLOR (6)
Added: Augury Adept (W/U), Plumeveil (W/U), Oona, Queen of the Fae (U/B), Firespout (R/G), Tattermunge Maniac (R/G), Kitchen Finks (G/W)
Removed: Kiss of the Amesha (W/U), Pride of the Clouds (W/U), Inkfathom Infiltrator (U/B), Boartusk Liege (R/G), Rumbling Slum (R/G), Glare of Subdual (G/W)

LANDS (5)
Added: Fire-Lit Thicket, Mystic Gate, Reflecting Pool, Sunken Ruins, Wooded Bastion
Removed: Auntie's Hovel, Grove of the Burnwillows, Karplusan Forest, Rootbound Crag, Shivan Reef

Minor Cube Update 05.22.10

Just a quick post because I've picked up a few new cards, and made two changes to the cube.  More changes coming next week when I get the Shadowmoor set.

Green (1)
Added: Acidic Slime
Removed: Wood Elves

Colorless (1)
Added: Basilisk Collar
Removed: Crucible of Worlds