Insomniac free write

Warning: this post was written at 7 am during a severe bout of insomnia. It's very personal and not for the faint of heart. Read at your own risk.



I can't sleep.

I should've been asleep hours ago, but tonight I can't seem to do it. And the night has turned to morning and still I wait.

I miss you. I've been thinking about you a lot lately.

You were right, you know. You said you believed I had an easier time sleeping when you were with me. I denied it. I said, I've always had trouble sleeping, even when we were together. I stayed awake most of the time and watched you sleep. I lied. I was always more comfortable with you. You know how I feel, but I didn't want you to know just how deeply my feelings truly ran.

I have accepted that we can't be together. We can be friends. We are. Great friends. But it can't be more than that. I know you don't feel the same way I do. You knew how this would be from the beginning and never allowed yourself that possibility. Even if you did, it wouldn't change things now. The situation is not ideal. It probably never will be.

I have to learn to let you go. Before I can be happy with someone else, I need to be happy on my own. I have a lot of work to do and I'm not sure yet how to do it. But right now, you're on my mind, and my mind is playing tricks, telling me, maybe someday. And the logical side of my brain knows it's a someday that probably will never occur.

You can't be mine. I get that.

But would you mind lying with me for awhile so I can get some sleep?